tuluum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tell Me A Story (Exercise) Exercise: Tell Me A Story Deck: Art Nouveau (Myers) Story: The Lovers Storyline: 5 Of Wands (reversed), Ace Of Wands (reversed), Death, 7 of Cups Vanessa caught sight of her face in the mirror this morning and for one brief shining second saw herself as beautiful. Of course at that moment objectivity shifted into subjectivity, rendering her features back into a crude amalgam. Still, for that brief shining second she saw her power and the thrill of its revelation stayed with her throughout the day. Mornings that had once filled her with such dread had steadily become easier over the past month or so and she found herself daring to dream once again. To hope. To Create. Music, art, passion, it all swelled inside. "Ironic" she thought, considering how often in the past she had turned down opportunities that had come her way. Not anymore. It hadn't always been this way though. "Remember to give thanks for the lessons you've learnt." She looked up, irritated by the unceremonious intrusion into her thoughts/ "Remember to give thanks for the lessons you've learnt" Colleen repeated. The resident Buddha was prone to sporadic soundbites (always intoned with the measured meter of 'attainment'). Thanks? Vanessa wasn't prone to formalized prayer though she recognized and understood the virtues it possessed. Her thanks was more on the silent, consistent, holistic plane. Indeed she thought, knew, that she was quite thankful. Thankful for the first steady income she had received in over a year. Thankful for releasing unhealthy attachments and relationships from her life. Thankful for how far she had developed the ideas that had not even existed in her conscious mind a year before. A year before. Oy vey. If ever there was a crucible period that (this?) had been hers. "Oh I'll give thanks alright" she replied, adding underneath her breath "but go easy on the scars next time." The scars. For the past 6 months she had not even known if she would survive. And no, not on the metaphorical overwrought level. but quite literally. She had never 'doubted' per se...she just didn't know, couldn't see at times how the 'hows' and 'whens' would unfold. The uncertainty made her uneasy, and made those who relied on her angry. "You know, maybe YOU should give thanks. At least I had trust" It had to be said. Colleen looked away, subdued, "True". She had to get some fresh air. As her shadow continued its ongoing surveillance of her movements Vanessa arrived on the patio. The crimson bask of the tropical sunset flicked harmless flames across the dusty sky. But there had been nothing harmless about the flames of the past 12 months. Still she had managed to remain steadfast even as life's ashes smoldered around her. Burning her skin. Clouding her eyes. "You know, Colleen could learn a thing or two from me. I'm a FREAKING 21ST CENTURY JOB!" "Give thanks for the lessons you've learnt." That phrase would not go away. What had she learnt? After one had sifted through the embers of loss, betrayal, hunger, tears and illusion. What was left? "Ironic" she chuckled. Life/G-d/Hashem/Allah it seemed was not without a finely tuned sense of humour. The kind that made Thames Television an 80's powerhouse. A voice, her own, and yet not, poured through her. "You spend all this time trying to peel back the layers. Trying to understand where you are going, and where you came from, only to find out that the closer you get to creating something new is the more you actually return to something old. Your unique truth. Your soul." Baruch! She could give thanks for that! But the mosquitoes were coming out now and first she had to get back inside. **************************************************************************** Current Clix Ranking: 17 | Previous Clix Ranking: 27 11:12 p.m. - Sunday, May. 25, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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