tuluum's Diaryland Diary

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Eublepharis - DA VIEW

Date: 22 September 2002 circa. 4am

Victim: Eublepharis

M.O: What drew me to this diary was the image of the suicidal chick. What kept me reading was the tale of teen angst and self-destruction. With memories of my younger years still vivid enough to relate I decided to seek out the author. She was as witty, intelligent and opinionated as I had imagined, not your average 15 year old Eublepharis is much more impressive than she knows.

HLM: A recurring theme in your diary is your being followed around. How do you handle the attention?

Eublepharis Hmm.. Followed around by whom? The narcs? haha?

HLM: Narcs, walmart ladies, random paparazzi, you knowyou got game, don't be shy!

Eublepharis: Hmm..it depends on the person. If it is a pest, or someone who is following me around out of hate, or extreme suspicion based on my looks, I tend to get very defensive and turn into one GRADE A confrontational loud foul-mouthed bitch. If it is someone cool, I tend to get shy and embarassed and try to isolate myself. Fun.

HLM: I have just bought 100 sticks of desert rain incense want some?

Eublepharis: lol desert rain incense........I can't help but think of the smell of wet dirty dog as that is what this place reeks of when it rains.

HLM: Damn, maybe I should get a refund.. I was kinda hoping to get the whole Sting in a desert in a Jaguar vibe going. rowr . Have y ou ever seen him doing yoga with some white cloth around his loins?

Eublepharis: Haha..Maybe OTHER deserts don't smell...Sting...white cloth...loins...No I haven't seen that and I hope I never do. Haha

hey look, it's sting, doing YOGA!

HLM: The man has like 300 children, think about it! oh, wait, ok don't...

Eublepharis: NOO MY MIND! THE MENTAL PICTURES! OUT OUT!

HLM: In an earlier entry you commented on your 'bee sting boobs'. Now boobs and bee stings. That sounds painful.

Eublepharis: lol Yeah..I think that would be painful but HEY at least my boobs would actually have at least a little SIZE to them. Sure they may be misshapen a bit, but theyd be better than my little 'hills'.

HLM: as the great shakira once said "lucky my breasts are small and humble , so you don't confuse them with mountains" ... i have no idea what that actually means though..

Eublepharis: shakira is a whore.

HLM: i'd be her whore

Eublepharis: lol

HLM: then again my breasts are the mt. everests of breasts but i can feel your jealousy mounting so i will move on

Eublepharis: LOL ... I like my tiny itty bitty boobies so there

HLM: was sage ich jetzt?

Eublepharis: iii..have no idea what you just said..remember I FAIL the german tests

HLM: that is correct! you have now won your own used sting loincloth, rowr!

Eublepharis: I shall put it among the jars of souls, black candles, and bags of human hair on the shelf in my closet....I shall treasure it and rub it on my body each night... lol... Ok stopping

HLM: hmm.. i'd rub shakira on my body each night.. gr.. must stop.. Now, as anyone who reads your diary in even the most cursory manner would gain, you are quite the prison bitch where your body is concerned. Pretty much you sodomize it like a cross-eyed two headed pimply stepchild. Yet, the mascochist continues to be there for you, moving you around through the day, and generally trying its best. So, I must ask, where's the love?

Eublepharis: Hmm good question

HLM: of course it is , now bend over and answer, oops , thought you were shakira for a minute there..

Eublepharis: 'cross-eyed two headed pimply stepchild' that I am. Well, despite the physical cross eyed and two headed part, I am pimply and mentally, Ive got about two subconciouses (sp) going on in my head. Id like to introduce you to Bob. Joking. I do not know. One moment I feel the pain of hurting myself and want to stop as it is further pain than I am already mentally inflicting on myself but then I remember that I WANT that pain and deserve it because I simply suck. It is a never ending cycle. Round and round inside ma' head... if that made sense.

HLM: Honey, all I can tell you is that if you do suck, do it well, cos men will be at your beckoning for a life time

Eublepharis: I am sensing some sexual tension floating around in the im... lol

HLM: honey you dont deserve pain anymore than a dog deserves to have its legs broken with a wrench... think about it!~!!

Eublepharis: .....ow

HLM: exactly!

HLM: April?

HLM: Where have all the geckos gone?

Eublepharis: To lala land with Bob.

HLM: Bob's a lucky man

Eublepharis: Bob is a twisted man.

HLM: Now, in contrast to your well tended gothic rebellious persona, deep down we know you had pink walls three years ago and are still a neat freak to this day. True or False?

Eublepharis: Pink walls 5 years ago thank you very much and my MOM painted it that. I was actually going to paint it to a dark blue with kind of a safari thing going on. (Animal FREAK!)..and neat freak? That was never me and never will be. Can't be more false ... (we moved by the way ofcourse..so no more pink walls thank GOD )

HLM: Damn. You hardcore

Eublepharis: lol : : graciously bows :

HLM: heheh. Where the hell is your e*wax profile?

Eublepharis: Oops

HLM: Exactly

Eublepharis: : cough : : whistle :

HLM: I'm gonna fill it out myself and put in yanni and nsync and 98 degrees in the musical preferences field, anyminute now... muahaahah

Eublepharis: HOLY CRAP. You wouldn't dare. Don't MAKE me go down there

HLM: hehehehhehe... fine, but only cos you are such a gracious interviewee

HLM: Now, I want you to sit back for a moment and picture the following scenario..

HLM: A monkey and a gecko, get into an argument

HLM: The monkey has a gun, the gecko has a knife.

HLM: It's a fight to the death

HLM: Who wins and why?

Eublepharis: Little does the monkey know that the already camoflauged gecko was trained in STEALTH jedi/tae kwon do/klingon knife fighting techniques. That monkey doesn't even know how to turn off the safety. That monkey is shit. SHIT MONKEY! DIE MONKEY DIE!

HLM: I'm sorry but we can't accept either answer, the correct answer was "Monkey, because i don't think anyone is ready to handle this jelly" ... better luck next time

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