tuluum's Diaryland Diary
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TranceJen: DA VIEW (part 1)
Date: 6 November, 2002, c. 3pm
Victim: TranceJen
M.O: It all started when I discovered the seedy underbelly of online journalling known as Clix. There she was day after day. #1. Day after day quivering crayola body outlines next to her name� In time I would finally click to see what the fuss was about and I found a funny, witty, very brave young woman who deserves all the accolade she has gotten to date. Over the past few months I've really gotten fond of the ol trancey and on Monday we sat down for our first live IM session. It turned out to be my longest IMV to date! Unfortunately, due to technical mishaps the first part of this interview (the part that deal with the ins and outs of lesbian sex, hugh hefner's testicles and silver vinyl pants has been lost) but trust me, what follows is just as good!
ORAL HYGIENE
HLM: Did ya find ya gramma's teeth yet? :)
TranceJen: We did! They were stuck in the bedclothes.
HLM: OH GREAT!! Cos you know replacement sets never fit 'right'
TranceJen: I was going to just make her some out of Chiclets and some gum.
TranceJen: Giant scary gramma teeth.
HLM: How Luther Vandross! :)
say cheeese ;)
TRUTH OR DARE?
HLM: Smoking is nasty Jen :(
HLM: Smoking Kills :(
HLM: Smoking Sucks
TranceJen: Smoking is MY LIFE
HLM: Don't ya watch those Truth ads?!!
HLM: They tell the .. TRUTH!!
TranceJen: Those Truth ads are CRAP
HLM: HAHAHAHHAHAH I sense some deep denial there ? :)
HLM: You could end up a crying baby doll on apavement :(
HLM: DO YOU WANT THAT!!
TranceJen: How cool!
TranceJen: Or a dead rat, I know!!!
HLM: Do you want to end up in a rat suit on a curb ?
TranceJen: How different!
TranceJen: LOL
HLM: I fear they have lost their demographic :)
TranceJen: Hey, I will probably live to be 110
TranceJen: smoking 12 packs per day
TranceJen: coughing dust
HLM: Riiiiight Telly Savalas ;)
TranceJen: and yelling at the kids to get off my lawn
HLM: Man those ads spooked me as a kid
TranceJen: which ads?
HLM: By the time you see this I'll be dead ..
TranceJen: oh yeah!!!
HLM: heebie jeebies !
TranceJen: i have great faith
HLM: in Telly Savalas? :)
TranceJen: in the power of my rotten lungs
HLM: Oh :)
TranceJen: him too.
TranceJen: lol
HLM: Wonder what its like to do a bald guy
TranceJen: *lighting one up now*
HLM: a bald guy????!
HLM: damn � you militant
TranceJen: No, a cigarette. LOL
HLM: HAHAHHA
HLM: yeah i just playing :)
HLM: menthol?
HLM: i used to have a habit back in the day
TranceJen: Although I would light a bald guy if I had one.
TranceJen: Menthol. How'd you quit?
HLM: cold turkey
TranceJen: Ouch.
HLM: i got mental willpower like you wouldnt believe
TranceJen: I have NONE.
TranceJen: None at all.
TranceJen: I am woman of Jell-O.
HLM: fuck NANOWRI MO! That's A CHALLENGE!! :)
HLM: mmmm Jell-O :)
HLM: *drools andspaces out*
TranceJen: NaNoWriMo is making me a stressball.
HLM: write love letters to me instead :)
TranceJen: Dear, HL Monkey....
TranceJen: The novel by TranceJen
HLM: sa-weeeet!!
TranceJen: i like Jell-O, but not green.
HLM: oh my g-d i was just thinking of green!
HLM: with coolwhip!
HLM: you are a �ascist!
TranceJen: I can't do green Jello.
TranceJen: Orange, yes.
eeewww
AND THEN WE BONDED OVER EUROPOP AND OUR READERS.. WELL.. OK� HER READERS :P
HLM: What's the most popular question you get from readers? :)
TranceJen: Probably, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE, BITCH!!!
TranceJen: What the hell is wrong with you?? That's my top question.
HLM: hahahaahah are you serious? oh that's funny :)
TranceJen: No I am serious. I get twenty e-mails a day saying that I probably have aspartame poisoning
HLM: NaNoWriMo sounds like a crappy defunct 80s new wave band.
TranceJen: It does. Like a bad techno band.
HLM: europop
HLM: why does europop suck like a hoover?
HLM: euros suck� like hoovers
HLM: HAHAHAHHAHA
TranceJen: I LOVE old Europop. Duran Duran, baby.
TranceJen: Depeche Mode.
HLM: oh the old stuff is a gem. but vengaboys.. cmon
HLM: depeche mode aint europop!!
TranceJen: NO VENGABOYS!!!
HLM: exactly!!
TranceJen: Oh, you suck. Now I will have Vengaboys in my head all day.
HLM: they came to Trinidad :(
TranceJen: AAAAAAAAH!
HLM: one of them is trini :(
TranceJen: Oh no.
HLM: *saddened(*
TranceJen: I feel your pain.
HLM: yeah you know who else is trini
HLM: oh this is gonna kill ya :)
TranceJen: I think one guy from Tribe Called Quest is.
TranceJen: *loves Tribe*
HLM: oh ok.. but uh THATS NOT WHO I MEANT! EUROPOP BABY :)
TranceJen: Um....
HLM: touch my tribe baby;)
TranceJen: who?
HLM: Haddaway!!
TranceJen: Baby don't hurt me, no mo...
TranceJen: What is love? Tell me.
HLM: Isnt that embarassing.
TranceJen: It is.
HLM: and he still goes around singing it
TranceJen: Oh God.
TranceJen: Scary.
HLM: for like people to recognize him. my dad met him and some other people at another time and each time he was like "i'm an entertainer"
HLM: and he would start singing it
TranceJen: LOL
HLM: like that snl skit
TranceJen: Did your dad laugh?
TranceJen: *bops head*
HLM: well my dad who uh doesn't exactly hit the clubs.. was like oh ok
HLM: help .. *looks to thedoor*
TranceJen: Heh
HLM: and my friends were like whatever
TranceJen: it makes me think of big gold chains.
TranceJen: and bad shoes.
HLM: i mean that's like trying to get into carnegie hall by boasting that you have connections to the macarena dudes
TranceJen: LOL
TranceJen: Heeeeey Macarena!
HLM: AI!
HLM: it makes me move my head like chris kattan though :) which is always fun :)
TranceJen: I think Chris Kattan is fucking hilarious.
TranceJen: You cannot talk to Mango!
HLM: is he gay or not?
HLM: i say no but a friend says yay
TranceJen: I don't know! Did you see Corky Romano?
HLM: oh lordy no..
HLM: the best mango skit, hands down, garth brooks!!
TranceJen: Yes! Or J-Lo.
TranceJen: Or as we call her, Jell-O
HLM: oh yeah that was funny. but man garth.. that was hysterical :)
TranceJen: Yeah it was.
HLM: y'all got some serious jell-o action in that home of yours :)
TranceJen: We have some serious stress action.
ALL THAT GLITTERS�
HLM: Wanna come to my Glitter drinking party? :)
TranceJen: Glitter the movie?
TranceJen: Ack!
TranceJen: No!
TranceJen: LOL
TranceJen: Yeah, that would be fun, though.
HLM: yeah!! IT WILL! There's gonna be pizza and cheesecake and BOOOZE!
HLM: and .. *drumroll* GLITTER!!!!!
TranceJen: Sweet! Can we dress up as Mariah?
TranceJen: And break plates?
TranceJen: LOL
TranceJen: Love the glitter.
TranceJen: Just got Hello Kitty body glitter in the mail.
HLM: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO :")
TranceJen: I know! I was thrilled.
TranceJen: I have blue and purple and orange.
HLM: i want a silver smudge :)
TRANCE FEELS MY WRATH!! (AND THEN MY LOVE)
HLM: When I started reading your diary I thought you were a lush :) and i was gonna write to THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!
TranceJen: Nah. Only an occasional lush.
HLM: oh yeah but by the time you wrote about making margaritas and then forgetting the margarita mix i knew it was love :)
HLM: you used to piss me off!
TranceJen: I did?? Why?
HLM: you were like always #1 on Clix and I had just started my diary and everytime i clicked on clix you were there at #1 and like with those basquiat dancing men.. and i was like grrr i 'm not gonna click her -ever- cos she's ALWAYS #1 and she just knows that like people are like clicking on her, but she's not gonna get MEEEE!!
HLM: and then one day i was like *click*
HLM: hehheh
HLM: and then i was like .. hey she's not evil :) ad then i wrote you and i thought oooo the bitch won't write back being all #1-y but you did and i was like all redeemed and validated and shit :)
TranceJen: HAHAHAHA
TranceJen: But now I have fallen from Clix grace...sob...
TranceJen: I think I'm on the ninth page or something.
HLM: Clix is being rigged dude
HLM: I totally feel it
TranceJen: I am not all number one-y!!
HLM: you are number 1 in my heart :)
TranceJen: Awwww....
TranceJen: *sniff*
TranceJen: *tissue*
TranceJen: I admit to my dorkitude.
TranceJen: lol
HLM: people are like getting 7 clix within less than an hour of it being reset now. that never happened before
HLM: :):):) it is endearing my love :)
TranceJen: Heh.
HLM: i love reading the weird entries in your guestbook sometimes :)
TranceJen: :)
TranceJen: Me too.
TranceJen: It cracks me up.
HLM: saw some guy once like hey clix jen back to #1 !
HLM: and i was like whoa captain. easy on the caffeine
TranceJen: LOL
TranceJen: I still can't believe people read the shit.
TranceJen: Good to be loved.
HLM: hahahah i know, your counter is like the biggest slut i have ever seen
TranceJen: the counter?
HLM: yeah have you seen? It's in 6 digits now!
HLM: it just gets gangbanged over and over and loves it
TranceJen: I used to read every hit to find out who was reading like a freak.
TranceJen: I was paranoid..
TranceJen: Oh God, my mom! LOL
TranceJen: no, thank God...
HLM: hey , have any cool diarystalker stories?
TranceJen: I had one psycho who told me to stick a flaming sword up my cunt. That's a direct quote.
TranceJen: I was like....M'kay....
HLM: wow.. that's uh.. poetic
HLM: grr you totally ruined my smoking story btw :(
TranceJen: I ruined your smoking story?
TranceJen: :(
HLM: yeah dude i was telling you i quit except for a few times one of them being.. but *sigh* now it is too late I fear *turns head to the setting sun*
TranceJen: No, go on...
TranceJen: tell it
HLM: alright, if you insist..
HLM: hehehe
TranceJen: I insist.
TranceJen: Dammit.
HLM: haahaha
HLM: it was a dark night in Connecticut
HLM: where i lived and worked with my mates
TranceJen: ok
HLM: when one night we all went to a quaint irish pub in a far off town that i don't remember
TranceJen: *cues mysterious music*
HLM: now of course none of them thought hmmm there is a black person in our crew we should perhaps choose an inclusive setting but hey that's CT for ya
TranceJen: oh yeah.
HLM: so I timidly step inside expecting a Boston Riot to commence but no one looks at me and I step right in
HLM: all of them start drinking and sitting on stools and being boring so in typical Niki fashion I roam off and case the joint getting stared at all the while
TranceJen: lol
HLM: but i'm like yeah whatever
HLM: so I sit down at this table and there is smoke and pool tables and some weirdo singing to a mandolin or something i shit thee not
TranceJen: LOL
HLM: and these two guys are glaring at me
HLM: i just pretend I got Snoop backing me up and i stay right where I am
TranceJen: Snoop! LOL
HLM: they were playing pool
HLM: so they come over to me, and they like that's our table
HLM: and I'm all like yeah?
HLM: that's nice
HLM: and our eyes lock and then they burst into these grins and sit down
TranceJen: heh
HLM: and they were like really irish... great accent ah :)
TranceJen: Oh yeah
HLM: and then they go, hi i'm tom... and i'm jerry
TranceJen: LOL
HLM: and i'm like uh... cyah cyah cyah
HLM: yeah right..
HLM: woohooo
HLM: and i'm .. tweety
TranceJen: LMAO
HLM: turns out they were though they showed me their IDs
TranceJen: too funny
HLM: then we shared some cigs and trashed yanks and hailed british tv and ribena :) it was a great night :)
TranceJen: cool!
HLM: heheh that's my story :) *curtsies* .
TranceJen: Very nice! *claps*
JEN TRIES TO TAKE OVER THE CONVERSATION WITH WORLD POLITICS BUT HOMEY WASN'T PLAYING THAT!
TranceJen: are you anti-yank?
HLM: nah not really
TranceJen: Most people are, I think.
TranceJen: USA, the most hated nation ever...
HLM: just after 5 years of being there, especially in CT it really gets to you
HLM: the pervasive ignorance and arrogance
TranceJen: I believe it.
TranceJen: we are the spoiled rich kids of the world.
HLM: so you like to vent with other foreigners
HLM: hehehhe
HLM: like check this out
TranceJen: OK
HLM: my boss one day, sees me walking down the corridor and goes hey nicole come in here
TranceJen: ok
HLM: so i go into this office and she is there with one of the tech guys
HLM: and they are like this computer isn't working
HLM: so i'm all like . uh.. ok
HLM: like whatever , in my mind
HLM: so she is watching me all stern like and then goes "well.. do that voodoo thing you people do"
TranceJen: Oh my GOD
HLM: can you imagine my face
TranceJen: LOL
TranceJen: what an ass!
HLM: i'm like voodoo thing?
TranceJen: should have thrown a chicken bone in her coffee ! LOL
TranceJen: just to freak her out!
HLM: she's like yes. cos we need it to work and i saw you and i thought hey can't hurt
HLM: i'm like . uh i'm jewish
TranceJen: what an asshole...
HLM: she's like so? you're from the islands aren't you
HLM: i was like can't help you .. and walked off
TranceJen: *shakes head*
TranceJen: unreal
HLM: another time she wanted me to call a client and talk in "that language"
TranceJen: Niiiiice.
HLM: i tell ya like i said after 5 years .. you get just a teensy irritated
TranceJen: I could imagine.
HLM: especially when no one even tries to learn or show any interest in your culture or background.
TranceJen: You'd think that we as a world would be beyond that type of crap
HLM: i have no idea
HLM: but over all i had a good experience and i'd move back :)
TranceJen: yeah?
HLM: but not to Connecticut :)
TranceJen: No. Me neither.
HLM: yeah i mean it sounds callous but the money is good :)
HLM: the economic opportunities are hands down the best part :) i hear people always talking about freedom this and freedom that but that's really overblown i think, they should be talking about the wonders of the land of 24 hour supermarkets and Kinkos if you ask me :)
TranceJen: LOL. The land of one big mall. It gets old really quick.
TranceJen: The wonders of a cellphone store on every corner.
HLM: but man i really loved american supermarkets :)
HLM: when i went to NC in 2000 i took about a roll of film of inside the supermarket :)
HLM: and my mom ooooh and aaaaahed at the pics J
HLM: my hosts thought i was insane :) but its so decadent and opulent :) like the setting of a roman orgy, especially the produce sections :)
TranceJen: Yeah, I am all about the produce.
HLM WRESTLES BACK ON TOP (WHO'S YUH MAMMA NOW 'TRANCEY'!?)
HLM: why /when didyou become vegan? :)
TranceJen: you do IT stuff?
TranceJen: techie, etc?
HLM: yes i was a techie :)
TranceJen: I used to be a techie, too. hardware maintenance.
HLM: really?
HLM: oh hot!
HLM: answer the vegan question baby
TranceJen: OK, the vegan thing...
TranceJen: I don't like meat much to begin with
TranceJen: boy, that sounds dirty
TranceJen: and decided, screw it, don't need it - why eat the crap?
HLM: mmm MAN MEAT :)
TranceJen: Chicken embryos...
TranceJen: milk...
TranceJen: no need for any of it. Much healthier to eat vegan.
TranceJen: LOL
HLM: i just say i'm macrobiotic ;) doesn't that sound more erudite? :)
TranceJen: It does.
TranceJen: very trendy as well.
HLM: plus i like fish too :)
HLM: plus it makes it easier to keep kosher
TranceJen: You keep kosher, too?
TranceJen: she does.
HLM: yes
TranceJen: My grandfather did, but he was pretty much the only one in the family.
TranceJen: *bad Jew*
HLM: poor gramps
TranceJen: He was a good guy.
TranceJen: I can't do seafood.
HLM: oooo?
TranceJen: Gwyneth Paltrow annoys me.
HLM: she looks like kermit
HLM: she also looks like that hippie chick from the muppet show heheh
TranceJen: HA! She does! Janis!
HLM: what are you doing for Hanukkah! i find you and Monkieygirl are not waving the flag!!
TranceJen: I have no plans yet - it's weird, most of my family has converted.
TranceJen: which I don't get.
HLM: yeah that happened in my past too :)
HLM: Halloween this, Xmas that. I WANT SOME HANUKKAH HAPPINESS AND ROSH HASHANA RIBALDRY!! :)
TranceJen: Damn right!
TranceJen: Rosh Hashana ribaldry...LMAO
HLM: hey i have rocking parties for all the holidays :)
TranceJen: That sounds sweet. It's very non-Jew in my hood.
TranceJen: my grandmother is now Baptist. Weird.
HLM: oooh that is weird. i was engaged to a baptist
TranceJen: it's too bad.
TranceJen: I'm engaged to a Catholic.
TranceJen: His parents are unthrilled. LOL
HLM: hahahah well i have to invite all non-jews cos uh. jews my age around here. uh just one
TranceJen: I feel you.
TranceJen: The neighboring town is mostly Jewish. Here, nope.
TranceJen: I look very WASP-y, so people are surprised to find I'm Jewish.
click to read part 2 of this scintillating soiree
1:51 a.m. - Friday, Nov. 08, 2002
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