tuluum's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just Breathe...
Interpretation:
(Subconscious: The World)
(Subconscious: Queen Of Cups/5 of Cups)
The sheer amount of Cups cards today is indicative of the current emotional state that I'm in. On one hand I have everything to rejoice about.. and yet at times I feel almost crippled by sadness. It's really worth a second look I guess... :(
I'm so glad that Sex and the City is back! But really sad that it's the countdown to the end. That show started when I was a freshly matriculated undergrad and moving to CT to my first apartment and 'real job'. Since returning to Trinidad it served as a kind of vicarious lifeline to another time and space. The end of the series is not just silicone-based but also feels in a way like a final severing of my connection to another world... pretty damn depressing...
(DVD Box Sets anyone?)
Baryshnikov (sp?) is a sexy beast though :D Which doesn't help either... cos of the correlation - emotionally - that his character brings up either... arrrgh :*(( ... yet another (very reluctant) letting go...
Last night I also heard some news involving names that I can happily go a lifetime without hearing again. Twist that knife why don't you. I really want to start anew. Badly. Over. Re-over... that should be a word... I'm not talking metaphorically either. Metaphorically is the easy part.
So.. the King Of Cups, indeed all these Cup cards, make too much sense really. He always appears when I am being prompted to close out emotional patterns, connections and relationships. I'm also sad cos this week my friends go away again as well. I only got to see Simi once (so far) and only talked to Lala (didn't see her) twice. Bleh.. I am nothing.. CANCEL! (PsychoCybernetic parlance there... )
From my tarot journal's notes on the King Of Cups:
"Nothing can be done now to retain or reclaim the vigor of the original feelings. Fully experience your grief and mourn the passing."
Usually when I get the King Of Cups I also do my letting go ritual. Funny that it would show up at the start of 2004 isn't it? I will have to check when Rosh Chodesh is, as it's most powerful before the New Moon. .. I think it's in another 2 weeks...
Will be good to perform a good ritualistic emotional purge.. I need the release...
The Queen and 5 of Cups in my subconscious show that as painful and self-conscious as this all feels it's necessary for my evolution and growth somehow. A systematic inner molt that my psyche and the Universe are performing in an essentially neutral and perfunctory manner. I need to let my left brain release its fears and pain. relinquish. for now.
In other news I may check out FRUMSTER.com at some point this year or next. Can't hurt right? And I'm sure the people will be a little less seedy than JDate?
Wanna buy me a Mini Cooper? :D
*************************************************************************
*************************************************************************
9:04 a.m. - Monday, Jan. 05, 2004
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------