tuluum's diary

tuluum's Diaryland Diary

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I need a bath. Really!

(Subconscious: Two Of Swords)

Where has the time gone? I am quite enjoying my break. I haven't done much that I was supposed to but there is time still. Cleaning is going well though. about 1/3 through my bookcase. Wonder if I'll have time clean my stuffed toys thoroughly?

I've also worked out my Passover Menu

Intro: Hard Boiled Eggs

Salad: (haven't settled on one yet)

Entree: Moroccan Fish and Carrots, with a Spinach Matzah Casserole

Desert: Hazelnut Chocolate Torte

Today work on the roof began. I always feel weird when strangers are roaming downstairs so I pretty much kept to myself. Disrupts the whole energy, know what I mean?

The reversed Page Of Swords reflects the negative frame of mind that I was in for the earlier portion of the day. While I was exercising my parents started hauling things into my room. That just really pissed me off. Before 10 am my system can't take too many jolts. Especially at 6:45 am!

Sometimes I wonder if I could kill a person. And if I did, would I be wracked with guilt for the rest of my life, or would I move on? Would I have nightmares? There's a cruelty in me that comes out at times that scares me. I've worked through it to a large extent, but certain people and situations sometimes trigger it. I never act on it, but the images that go through my mind are scary enough!

Two of Swords in the subconscious again highlights the changes I'm making/going through. Yesterday it was about searching for my emotional truth. Today it's about articulating it. I have an idea for a new schedule that would allow me to combine my current work with my creative interests. I'll put it on paper later and test it around Passover.

Again I have lapsed on the Garageband install stuff. Must call the man tonight. I had some thoughts/visions/fantasies as I fell asleep and though they sought to reassure me I was left feeling that they were mocking me, because of their 'unattainability'. Only time will tell I guess... Until then I gotta hold on and have a little more faith.

I was told to give Atkins a try re: my diet dilemna. Diaryland sucks when it comes to people giving you answers to questions/problems. Other journal communities are much more forthcoming :( I still like it here though.

P.S. My prayers are with you Abbey...

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From Kabbalah.com:

Day 8: Scorpio

The only thing more destructive than hating others is hating yourself.

God is within.

I connect to the divine power in my soul and awaken an incredible source.

My confidence is fortified so that I am empowered to solve my

problems, to eradicate the chaos and confusion in my life.