tuluum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Good Afternoon Currently Reading: Diabetes for Dummies Currently Listening To: Aneurysm - Nirvana Wow.. I've only been up for a few hours but already so much has happened! Firstly, the plumbing is all shot, so both bathrooms are pretty much flooded, Yick : Fortunately this mishap has pulled my father out of his 3 days of silence and depression. So....Baruch HaShem. Then I check into my buddy list only to learn that Jonathan, my first Diaryland buddy has flown the coop :( To say that this hit me hard would be to put it lightly yet I know each one of us has to do what we have to do. Plus it's not like I've lost his friendship, we still got email and AIM and e*wax right babes? :) So why do I feel so glum? Part of me wonders (probably) why do I continue doing this when so many stop. What is the drive in me? What is my motivation? And is it negative or positive? Who knows... Still Jonathan's departure (abrupt) has risen these thoughts once again. Last night as I struggled to fall asleep I thought about my paper journals. I have kept them since I was 7 or 8. All except for one which I burned. At this point I am not sure that I could turn back to paper. My handwriting is rather slow. So I tire easily and find myself only saying half the story. My typing on the other hand is rather speedy. I'm also at my keyboard so much that updating and capturing my thoughts and feelings (in the heat of the moment) is much easier, rather than at the end of the day when I am conking out :) heheh These are the pluses. The minuses are that there are parts of myself and my emotions and my life that I do hold back. Believe it or not. Yet, I am not sure that I would express them even if I kept a journal offline, simply because of the slow handwriting factor. Most of the painful memories of my life, most of the anger, tears, betrayal that I've experienced have never had a place in my journals (except for that one that I burned). They are there between the lines and I know they are there. But a reader wouldn't. They have been omitted to all but myself. My online journal is pretty much more of the same. Yet I have found myself exposing more of myself than I would offline. I have also found myself more willing to approach those parts of my life that hurt, as they hurt. Sometimes I do it openly, other times in more opaque manners. Again because of the ability to quickly type/transfer my thoughts via keyboard. It's a whole new side of my self and my psyche in a sense. My memory is a very odd one. And so for the first time I now really have a record of my thoughts and feelings on an almost day to day basis. I find this... refreshing. Still, last night, as I struggled to fall asleep I realised that there is still so much more to look at and examine. So much I still have dealt with only in the confines of my own mind or with trusted confidantes, that I fear won't release me until I give them full vent. I am still not sure how or in what medium that will be. Should Andrew ever add features to protect/restrict individual entries maybe at that point I will place them here, or maybe not. Maybe I will put them into poem or song. I have to give it some more thought... There was a point to this somewhere ;) Today I also merrily got a response from Menards - some US store chain or something along those lines (which I had not expected). I belong to the Olam mailing list which disseminates once a day breaking news and activist opportunities for Jewish/israel supporters such as myself. Sometimes I pass the news on to those who I know would be interested. The list is also a good way to learn and sift through much of the misinformation and inaccurate statements and statistics which are disseminated by the mass media which is not very much into fact-checking (and when they do they print a retraction for a front page story on page 43). Very rarely will I write in to protest something unless I really feel moved to. This was one of those instances. I never expected to actually get a response. If my little email in some way helps to remove the offending product, which I wrote in about, from their shelves then it only reaffirms my belief in the POWER OF ONE!
Still bidding on jobs. Expecting payment soon from others. Much needed. much desired! Am I the only person that thinks that tzimmes sucks?? I know that I can't be. What can I say I'm pretty ol school Sephardi :P and macribiotic ta boot! Every now and then I pick up those grad school catalogs and ponder.. but the time doesn't feel right yet... so I put them back down. Someday... yeah someday... Somebody, for whom someday is today is my best bud Shyama! She's doing her Masters in Holland and I got an email from her this morning! She doesn't have much internet access since she moved there so I was super happy to hear what she has been up to etc etc. Apparently she danced in a lot of Divali presentations, which I would have loved to have seen! I miss her tons, and now that she's in Europe (perhaps permanently) who knows when our paths will again cross? :( OMG! (yes I used the deadly acronym!) Did you ever listen to Stairway to Heaven, Bohemian Rhapsody, Ooops I did it Again and think.. hmm not bad, but .. where's the cowbell? All the time you say?! Then click here! aww yeah.. Thank ya muchly Steve! ****************************************************************************
Current Clix Ranking: 68 | Previous Clix Ranking: 68 2:48 p.m. - Tuesday, Nov. 19, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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