tuluum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's not even worth trying some days... Currently Reading: Diabetes Cookbook for Dummies Currently Listening To: Take California - The Propellerheads Today really sucked a big one. I don't know what's going on. I hope it is just a bad day, and not a sign of something more malignant. I woke up from dreams of suicide. Dreaming of the best ways to kill myself. Was taught the pros and cons of every conceivable method. FInally I setltled on my weapon of choice. Handgun. Then had to learn the correct angles of barrel placement to ensure split second succes. I remember that I favoured the barrel in the mouth over the gun to temples bit. It was all very macabre. Woke up, not too joyful, as you may imagine. Went downstairs to exercise. My father took forever to move. Then I saw about the failed missile attack and explosion in Mumbasa and my heart sunk. Realizing that nowhere is going to be safe anymore. Wondering if this is the New World Order and what, if anything, can be done? Exercised a little. My head and heart were now heavier than they were when I fell asleep the night before and I found myself crawling back to bed and not waking up until after noon. That was not the plan , but that is what happened. Upon awakeining I realized that I had failed to prepare a Client's disc for FedExing today. That was endless horrors to compile properly and I wasted two practically good discs out of my own ineptness. This did not improve my mood. So I missed the FedEx deadline and I still have not finished the CD. Don't hassle me,I know. I tried to cry at several points during the day but nothing came. I still feel heavy. I still feel disoriented. And I think I will drown myself in a self-medicated haze. Tomorrow is Shabbat. And the first night of Hanukkah. At least I have that to hold on to. **************************************************************************** CLIX IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...
Current Clix Ranking: 73 | Previous Clix Ranking: 61 11:33 p.m. - Thursday, Nov. 28, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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