tuluum's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finito!
Interpretation:
A period of heartache has ended. Emotional recovery will now begin.
It's time to get my physical resources in order..
(Subconscious: 3 of Swords)
So... yeah... yowza! Eerily spot on reading there. The affirmation for my Subconscious (the Three of Swords) is "I acknowledge my hurt and pain so that I can face it and work through it." That's very true and I think I did just that in the wee hours of this morning when I performed a "letting go" ritual for the very first time. Although I based it on one that I had found online I flipped the script a bit.
Performing this ritual was nothing short of a magical transcendental roller coaster. At one point I became extremely nauseous and started to dry heave. I could feel all the pain and bile of the past year surfacing, igniting and charring. I'm glad that I did not allow myself to talk myself out of going through with this.
What did I do?
Well, I lit incense, meditated on transforming my pain, breaking it up throughout my body and transforming it. Then I lit two Shabbes candles and let the light fill me. Focusing on my growth and what changes I wanted to see in myself and my life. Then, I turned off all the light and wrong on squares of paper a pain I wanted to release. Then I folded each pain into a tiny triangle and burnt each one as I focused on the pain that it represented. Then I wrote some affirmations of positivity to fill the vacuum that my released pain would create. I then turned on all the lights as I chanted my affirmations in a clear strong voice. All in all it took about an hour and was extremely WOW :)
I don't think that you can really appreciate the scope of the experience from these words but some very Buffy-ish things did happen that added to the intensity of the ritual. For example the candle that I focused my pain on burnt out in 1 hour (these are 3 hour candles). While the other candle burnt at a regular speed. Not only did the 'pain' candle burn out faster it burnt very messily dropping pools of wax around the holder, in contrast to the other candle which did not drip any wax at all. It was amazing to watch.
So yeah, now that that has literally been burnt away I shifted my focus today towards the material and financial. I recently changed web hosts and got my DNS name servers and registrars changed as well. Now I just have to reset my CGI scripts and move my other domains as well. Once that is done I'm gonna continue updating my portfolio and website and then go buck wild with bidding.
I was talking to Gizelle a while ago on MSN. We can't wait for Chicago to get down here :)
I also have to design a package for E. I'll update the e*wax site as well but that's pretty low down on my list of priorities. I'm sticking to my "Absolute Yes" list, remember? ;)
Well that's it for now :) Time for me to get back to the grind. BTW I really think that Lynn and Jen should try this ritual (I'll post the steps in my next entry). It's really amazing. (4 real) . LOVE YOU BOTH!
Major kudos to Fraulein Schneider as well :)
Nicole
****************************************************************************
Current Clix Ranking: 35 | Previous Clix Ranking: 52
10:49 p.m. - Sunday, Feb. 02, 2003
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------