tuluum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ... *sigh* Interpretation: (Subconscious: Temperance) The annoying thing about external comfort is that once you stop trying so hard to achieve it, your emotional pain rears its fist and socks you between the eyes... This is where I am right now mentally. Class went really well yesterday and I am really enjoying the process. Am getting ready to start planning the Intermediate phase. Some have expressed interest in learning about the Tarot as it relates to the Kabbalistic Tree Of Life. Whoa, heavy stuff there. Told them I was leaving that for the Advanced Class. Fight Club is going really well. I'm halfway through it. I am haunted and unsettled today. Haunted by people and unsettled by decisions from my past. Still hurt and sad and wishing that I could say that I would take it all back, but I can't. I would do it again and I don't know how that goes or what it says about me. I wish I could say that I felt good, or attractive or sexy about myself but I can't do that either. And one is all tied up in the other. I'm doing the best I can with what I have and what I know. All I can hope is that time and future opportunities will cleanse and heal these wounds. How hard can it be to string 4 simple letters together? How hard? Sick. Hurtful, wrong. And don't tell me otherwise. Whatever... It has occurred to me recently that if I have dreams where I end up raped or decapitated in a canefield that's probably not a good psychological omen. Either I should stay away from canefields, or away from you. And, since I am not in the proximity of either, then I really should be looking at something deeper. And I will do so. Soon. Eventually.. Or.. maybe I will condition my hair and paint my nails instead? just don't get into the car **************************************************************************** Current Clix Ranking: 20 | Previous Clix Ranking: 24 5:23 p.m. - Sunday, May. 11, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||