tuluum's Diaryland Diary
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A Fresh Start?
(Subconscious: Six Of Swords)
Well I understand now what the Ace of Cups and King Of Coins is referring to. I lost one of my major clients along with some substantially owed backpay. There's no way to put it but FUCK!
I'm really getting tired of this schtick. But I don't know what other avenue to take. I wouldn't mind a regular part-time gig but don't know how to go about that...
Mom says something will come about.
I hope so.
Still in a lot of physical pain as well. Only one painkiller left... :(
The Reversed 4 of Cups shows my feelings of boredom, lethargy, and loneliness. I'm so tired of doing this, of being this way. Mom says it's OK that I'm different. I know she's right but sometimes I wish it didn't hurt so much. I'd like to know what the other side is like. But deep inside I suspect it is overrated. Different doesn't mean bad. Different doesn't mean wrong. Different just means different. And that's OK. I just need to also be able to pay the bills... sigh...
I need to get some distance and perspective to understand how to handle all of this. Clear my head. The Six Of Swords says to plant my intentions firmly into my mind and then step back for a while. I'll focus on these articles that I have to write, and not actively solicit any new work until I know what's going on. How I should proceed. Hopefully I'll get the money for the other work I did. Not holding my breath though...
Edit: Since originally writing this this morning I received several emails from a client that seem to promise to turn my situation around. Let's wait and see. I hope this is the answer to my prayers :O
"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their
reputation and social standing, never can bring about reform."
-Susan B. Anthony
From Pacifica.org
US Marines Shoot Ambulances in Fallujah
This Baghdad doctor has spent the last week working in one of Fallujah's emerging clinics. His story is one of mass graves caused by the US military.
BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- Speaking from his ranch in Crawford, Texas the President the United States, George W. Bush told reporters American soldiers have acted against, quote: "lawlessness and gangs" in Iraq in the past week. The American theater commander in Fallujah told Britain's Guardian newspaper 95 percent of those killed in the assault on the city are armed militants. But that's not the story coming from Fallujah's temporary emergency clinics. This Baghdad doctor has spent most of the last week in Fallujah. His name is being with-held for his own safety.
"When you see a child five years old with no head what can you say?" asks one doctor in Fallujah, whose name is being with-held for his own safety. "When you see a child with no brain just an open cavity what can you say? When you see a mother just hold her infant with no head and the shells are all over her body."
So many Fallujahans have been killed by the US Marines that residents have resorted to digging mass graves. The City's foot-ball stadium now holds more than 200 dead bodies:
"We buried many in the stadium for football until it became full. When you are burying you cannot stay long because they (US Marines) will just shoot you. So we use the shovel. Just dig a big hole and put a whole family in the hole and leave as soon as possible so we are not shot."
The official number killed in Fallujah is 600, but the total number of civilian casualties is likely much higher. The official tally only reflects those deaths reported by the cities mosques and clinics. But American snipers and bombers have killed many people while they are inside their homes.
The doctor says his ambulance was attacked multiple times as it sought to bring aid to residents stranded in their homes. Once when it was trying to retrieve dead bodies for burial and a second time when it was attempting to bring food aid to homes cut off by American snipers
"I see people carrying a white flag and yelling for us saying 'We are here' just try to save us but we cannot save them because whenever we open the ambulance they will shoot us. We try to carry food or water by constrainers. As soon as you carry food or water, the snipers shot the containers of food."
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11:13 a.m. - Sunday, Apr. 18, 2004
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