tuluum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"I'm making a list, I'm checking it twice, gonna find out who's nasty or nice.\" (Subconscious: Moon - Reversed) The Universe loves me, blesses me, supports me. Even through this period of mental confusion and depression that I have been going through... That near fatal crash two weeks ago has changed a lot in my eyes. It shook me to my core and has caused me to really re-evaluate who, and what, I want in my life as I head into a new year (5764). The love and sudden support for my song has also added to this. I have my little timelines and schedules that I cling to for some sense of structure and normalcy and everything is just going so fast. It's left me feeling so weird. And oddly alone. So... since it's Elul I decided to revisit my manifesto, to see how it may need to be retooled for the coming year. I decided that overall it still encapsulated what it is that I want, who it is I want to be. I also realized that I still was not vigilant enough in carrying out item #9 as I could have been. So to rectify that I compiled the following. I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE IF... 1) I don't need you in my life if - you smile, shrug or never write back if I tell you I was in a near-fatal car accident 2) I don't need you in my life if - over 24, 48, hell 72 hours after being told that I have fulfilled my life-long dream of making a CD you are still to listen to, or even download the first track (and I know you got n read the damn email). I mean if my bloody Free Agent Sponsor could do it within 20 minutes who the hell are you.. ? 3) I don't need you in my life if - you don't have the decency to acknowledge me or my mother when you see us in public. ESPECIALLY after telling me I was one of your 'best friends' and hogging my ass up when no one would give your pretentious candy-licking butt the time of day. Sell-out. 4) I don't need you in my life if - after promising to 'hook me up' with the 'right people' cos you got 'mad contacts in tha biz' you stop returning my calls when it came time to walk the walk. Well DP.. Fuck YOU, cos guess what, I got my joint made, people are starting to talk, and what goes around will -definitely- come around. 5) I don't need you in my life if - the ratio of times I have to IM/Call/Email you is more than 10:1 in your favor. 6) I don't need you in my life if - I invite you to my home to share in a religious celebration and you a) criticize my food, b) the content of the service or c) the length of the service. These are some of the things I have to had become painfully honest with myself about, over the past few days, based on events of the last 12-14 months. After coming to terms with this I then sat down and made a list. My "Inner Circle" and my "Outer Circle". There were now 5 empty spaces. I think I will revisit it each year. Introspection is a good thing. I feel much better having written this all down. ************************************************************************* 12:34 a.m. - Monday, Sept. 08, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||